Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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