Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
