well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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