Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
