There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Sorry my hands just texted you
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
