Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
