Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
