How'd it feel making her break her religion?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
