I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
