Kiss
Puke
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
