We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
