If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
