Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
