Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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