Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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