just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My vagina just recognized that song.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You took a bar mat shot.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
