but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
