My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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