well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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