she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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