On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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