I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
