Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
