It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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