She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
