My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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