i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
