the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
