i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
