So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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