We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
