Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
