It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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