I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
