Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
