Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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