I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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