Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
