he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
