Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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