I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
