i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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