M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
