I CAN MOONWALK!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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