Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
wow bdsm is so cute
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