I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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