did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
wanna go halves on a baby?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
