I can text with my tongue
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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