so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
