he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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