sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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