The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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