in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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