A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
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He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize