Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
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Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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