i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
