I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
