i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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