there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
