Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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