Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
