so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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