Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize