I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This is my gift to your gina
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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