i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
