I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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