Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's shark week go big or go home
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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