we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
