I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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