I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
