i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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