At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
