a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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