whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
