saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
