so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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