kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
