I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
