69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
