I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
