Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
